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How to Have Better Sex: Emotional Factors

by Beth Divine 15 Mar 2018

Be Attracted To Your Partner

This may seem like a no-brainer, but people do go out with the express intention of ‘hooking up’ and quite often target someone to whom they are not attracted, but who they might stand a chance of scoring with. In these cases, often the sex, while physically successful, can be disappointing on an emotional level, leaving you feeling ashamed of yourself, or wanting to get your erstwhile partner out of your bed and your life as soon as possible. Rather than have sex with as many people as possible, why not try going for quality over quantity – being discriminating in your choices and only hooking up with people who you would quite like to get to know outside of bed? Having an emotional investment in the person you are shagging makes the whole experience more tender, and can even make your orgasms more intense.

How to Have Better Sex: Emotional Factors exercise1

Boost Your Self-Esteem

It is a sad fact that people who do not really like themselves struggle to make human connections. There can be a feeling that anyone who likes someone so – insert negative descriptor here; negative, fat/ thin, pessimistic, unsuccessful, etc – must be unworthy of real love in some way, or just out to ‘get’ something from the relationship. While insecurity is not a moral fault, translating this lack of self-esteem into disdain for someone whose only crime is to like you enough to sleep with is rather insulting to them! Try to accept your new partner at face value and allow yourself to be loved and lovable!

How to Have Better Sex: Emotional Factors exercise4

Take Time Out

If you’re stressed, upset, or simply not in the mood for sex, say so! Acknowledge any issues that you might have going on in your life as it will reassure your partner that the problem is not them – an easy assumption to make when sex is unsuccessful or one’s partner seems ‘off’. Stress in other areas of life can lead to erectile dysfunction, loss of libido, and a host of other problems – this is why couples often squabble over the silliest of small things when there are major problems looming, even if their basic relationship (including sex life) is generally good and going well. Men have traditionally been raised to hide their emotions and women tend to be taught that they ‘must’ please their partners for fear that they will run off and find someone else if they don’t – this is dangerous nonsense and should be quashed as soon as possible! Treat your partner with respect and honesty, let them know if you’re not in the mood and why and you will see that your relationship is actually strengthened because of it!

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Give to Get

Anyone who has sex only considering their own needs is either deeply inexperienced or massively selfish! One of the most arousing acts can be that of giving sexual pleasure to your partner. Make sure your partner has a good time, and they will take care of you, ensuring that both of you are satisfied and sated following a steamy session – and they will want to repeat the experience, ensuring that you will get some more nookie sooner rather than later!