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How Sex Can Be Better for Her

by Beth Divine 18 Mar 2018

Women have traditionally been raised to believe that their sexual satisfaction is secondary to that of their male partner’s. Obviously, this is not something taught by families and parents, rather it is a societal teaching, something that women pick up by some kind of awful osmosis. Fortunately, this type of ‘everyone knows’ belief is finally being challenged and the hegemony of male sexual satisfaction is being encouraged to shift in favour of equal satisfaction for both partners – surely, a win-win situation? Having accepted that as a woman you have every right to expect sexual satisfaction with most encounters, and that pain during sex is not just something that has to be put up with – and yes, a high proportion of women suffer pain during sex, and most of them never ever admit to it… The reasons for this are many and varied and explaining them all will fill several medical journals – it is best to simply accept that if you are a man who has had sex with women, you have probably hurt one or more of them at one time or another… However, this doesn’t mean that you should stop having sex – here are some ways that you can make sure that you are both satisfied after a steamy sexy session.

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Be emotionally invested in your partner. While you might think that a real stud fucks ’em and forgets ’em, especially based on what you see in movies and on television, this is seldom true in real life, and simply has the effect of making you look like an asshole. Rather, take the time to get to know your partner – yes, even in today’s casual hook-up culture – and be sure that you have something in common other than mutual sexual attraction. In this way, with genuine liking behind your intercourse, you will be more aware of her responses, and both of you will have a better time of it.

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Be gentle. Always be gentle with lady parts! While it can be tempting to pound away, especially with a long-term partner, there are so many sensitive nerves in a vagina that you can kill the mood quicker than a cold shower by being rough. There are a couple of commonly held misconceptions about lady gardens: Firstly, when a woman has had a baby, her vagina is not permanently stretched out of shape. There may be some loosening of very tight vaginal walls, but in general you will not be able to get more inside the vagina (extra-large sex toys, entire fists, for example) without causing severe discomfort, outright pain, and even actual damage. As stated above, women will not always say ‘ouch’ even when it is agonising – they are firmly under the belief that men’s needs are more important than their comfort. Secondly, a woman who has been having sex for a long time – your average milf, if you like – will not lose any sensitivity in her clitoris and labia. It is simply a fact that along with the other issues of getting older, women need a little longer to be brought to orgasm. So if you have been with your partner for ten years or more, and it seems that she is no as responsive to your touch as she used to be, you do not need to be rougher with her genitalia. Rather, allow more time for gentle foreplay – more time, not more pressure is the key.

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In fact, longer not harder is good advice to follow for all men. It is a fact that women need – need – at least a minimum of ten minutes concentrated foreplay, and more like fifteen or twenty minutes, while a man tends to be ready to go in about five minutes. Rushing in, before your lady is ready can cause pain if no lube is used, and can mean that she just doesn’t come, even if lube is used… Be attentive to your partner, and you will reap the rewards in ways that are more than just sexual.

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