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Porn Names and How to Choose One

by Beth Divine 15 Oct 2018
Many people working in the porn industry choose a pseudonym to protect their privacy and that of their families, some of whom are not even aware that their sister, daughter, or mother is working in the industry. However, sometimes a clear sense of humour sneaks through, as can be seen with these, predominantly male, porn star names.

Rocky Balboner is the name of a stud who clearly is very fond of Sylvester Stallone and his pugilistic alter ego, Rocky. One wonders if the porn star was hoping to have the same longevity in his films as both Stallone and the Rocky franchise?

Luke Thighwalker is another parody of a fictional character, and the man himself has a reasonable resemblance to a young Mark Hamil, so the choice of name makes sense.


Throbbin Hood is a parodic name that works on a few levels. First of all is the clear nod to that villainous hero of old (or heroic villain, whichever way you prefer it) Robin Hood. Then comes the boastful bit – the hunky stud is in possession of a throbbing hood (presumably he’s uncircumcised?) And then finally, there is the promise of a satisfied clitoral hood for any lady lucky enough to enjoy his attentions. Let’s just hope that the reality lives up to the promise of that name!

Tom Wanks, and Bill Clitton obviously both went the route of ‘choosing a famous name and then changing it ever so slightly towards the salacious’ picking all-round good guy Tom Hanks and ex-POTUS Bill Clinton respectively. One wonders if Bill Clitton smokes cigars, and likes his women to wear blue dresses?

Buck Naked is a wonderful porn name as it comprises several puns as well as referring to his usual working attire! Buck is a clear nod to the money that the young man hopes to ake from his illustrious, naked, career. A ‘buck’ can also be a name for a horny, virile young man, so double win in the naming stakes there!


From there we move into the boastful stakes, with Lance Thruster, Rod Longstaff, Woody Johnsson and Buster Hymen. Once again we see several puns in these names, and Woody Johnsson managed to call himself ‘erect penis’ more or less without any subtlety at all! And let us hope that Buster Hymen is a lot more gentle to virgins than his name would imply, or else there’ll be a lot of ‘busted’ women wincing around the set.

Some porn producers have got into the act too, although John Buttman Stagliano and David Pussyman Christopher have settled for merely adding their personal sexual prederences as their middle names…


And then there’s the mis-hits. John Cutesack doesn’t really do it for anyone, we don’t think, Ben Dover is nothing more or less than the punchline from a series of scatological playground jokes, and Richard Cheese, in deciding to call himself ‘cock cheese’ has probably made sure that he will not get quite as much work as he otherwise might have done… 

But it’s not only the men who make mistakes: Ginger Vitis is a beautiful sexy lady, but she might want to rethink her last name… No one wants to be thinking about gum disease while having it off with a gorgeous red-head.