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When NOT to Watch Porn

by Beth Divine 6 Nov 2018

When do you watch your favourite porn clips? Are you an – ahem – early riser, or do you prefer your dark deeds to be done in the dark? NO matter what time of day or night you like to get it on, there are some times and places that you should never ever be tempted

Driving

A driver in Doncaster was recently caught driving erratically. The police pulled him over and, as they do, they ran a check on the vehicle. Not only was the vehicle not insured and therefore should not have been on the road at all, the driver did not have a valid licence. As the police were telling him this, and warning him that the consequences for his foolishness might be very serious indeed, they asked him what had caused the erratic driving that had drawn him to their attention in the first place. Sheepishly, the driver admitted that he had been holding his mobile phone on the steering wheel, and he had been watching a film with, as he coyly phrased it, ‘adult content’. Needless to say, boys and girls, watching porn while driving is not a good thing to do, for your own sake, but also for the sake of every other road user out there. Save it for private time – or at the very least, a lay-by!

Most Public Spaces

If you are desperate to have a quick watch of your favourite stars but do not have anywhere private to go, you could conceivably go sit somewhere public, pop in your headphones and have a surreptitious watch. However, there are probably more caveats than permissions here – do not do this anywhere near children and teachers or parents (any hint of sexual nastiness will see you jailed, fined or at the very least on a list that will make your life rather awkward for years to come…), make sure no one else can see your screen (you might like porn, other people might not, or they might prefer to simply choose their own, in their own time!), and do not let anyone else see your arousal, which on men is fairly obvious… (being seen in a state of excitement can be humiliating and can also put you at risk of a sexual harassment suit or public indecency charge) – to the point that you may want to not chance it. Save the porn for a safe space and spare your own blushes and worse.

At Work

Work is for working not wanking. Despite this, some twelve per cent of people admit to masturbating on the company dime, and six per cent of people (that is all people, not just the twelve per cent) admit to watching porn at work. Being in a state of arousal at work might make your working day pass quicker, or add some excitement to getting the admin sorted, but if you get caught by higher-ups or HR, you are likely to face a whole new kind of excitement in the form of finding a new job with no references and little notice…