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Who Likes More Variety: Men or Women?

by Beth Divine 28 Nov 2018

Traditionally, it has been assumed that women do not like sex as much as men. Along with this came a lack of understanding about female pleasure and how to achieve it, and a firm statement that men need – need – sex in a way that women do not, and that men get bored with the same old same old, requiring fun and variety in their nookie, while women are happy with the same sex every time. This is because the people doing the studies have long been men, who had been raised to think that women were delicate flowers who didn’t like anything nasty like the pleasures of the flesh. However, recent studies, this time undertaken without any of these male oriented preconceptions, have found that the absolute opposite is true…

Men obsess about sex. It is a long-touted claim that men and boys think about sex once every three minutes from the moment puberty takes hold, and this might well be true. But once men are getting nookie on the regular, they tend to stop obsessing quite so much, and simply be happy that their needs are being met.

Women are different. A woman may have a completely satisfying – adventurous even – sex life, but there is a biological imperative built into most women to keep looking and thinking and wondering. This is probably because women tend to be static – think of caveman days, when the men would go off in search of food (or women), while women would stay in the home, raising the children and keeping the babies safe from predators, poor weather and so on. This meant that the wiring of the brains needed to be different for men and women. If men had the wondering and wandering urge, they might never have returned to their family, going on over the next hill, seeing what lay over the next rise, seeking out the next animal to hunt and kill.

So men were equipped to seek shorter term satisfaction: this kill is enough to feed us for a week, this woman is fit and healthy enough to bear children, this whatever-it-is is enough for now. Women, on the other hand, needed to take a more long term view of things, so they were equipped to be constantly looking out for the next thing, a better thing, a bigger thing – even if the ‘thing’ they had was enough.

This ancient imperative has survived deep within a woman’s libido and it has been discovered that women tend to keep looking for satisfaction, even when she has what a man would be content with. Men tend to like sex the same way at regular and frequent intervals, while a woman will become bored with the same old same old, looking for a fresh partner, or wanting to try new positions and acts.

Paradoxically, we still live in a society that frowns upon truly liberated female sexuality, so women will not articulate this desire to experiment and grow, even if she desires it. So if you want to try something new and fun with your long term female partner, try asking her – she might be more amenable than you realise!