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Hang Ups, Fetishes and How They Occur

by Beth Divine 2 Dec 2018

Imagine a child watching their mother dressing up for an evening out and becoming enamoured of something that symbolises, to them at that time, the glamour and beauty and mystery of the occasion. Say, for example, mother’s shoes or dress – even her jewellery or silky matching underwear; or father’s tuxedo, his smoothly polished dress shoes or his tie, be it a bowtie, a ruffled cravat or a silk necktie. The child, fascinated by these tactile and attractive objects, seeks them out, wanting to play with them, touch them, even wear them.

Thus, a parent (or both) finds their apple of their eye son dressed up in his mother’s corset. The parent or parents freak out. Their child is a pervert, unnatural, or weird – whatever are they to do? So they punish the child: ‘You must never ever wear these things, no! It is wrong/ dirty/ freakish.’

The child, wanting to be good, to do as he or she is told, represses their (very natural) desires to touch and admire the beautiful things. He or she does not display any more worrisome behaviour, but the parents, desperate not to have a little weirdo on their hands – so shameful – keep a watchful eye for any signs of degeneracy or unwanted tendencies.

A good and dutiful child remains aware that their parents are worried about them, and in some indefinable way – a kind of osmosis – they become aware that their parents’ concern is sensual (as in regarding the senses). As they grow, they learn to associate sensuality with sexuality, and this is where the parents can end up causing issues that they were seeking to avoid. That love of: shiny leather, the smooth slide of silk, the creak of corsetry – whatever it is that the child was intrigued by is morphed into a sexual interest. Because of the parents’ earlier over reaction, often the child will seek to repress or hide their interest, feeling dirty and embarrassed about their unusual preference. But the sex drive or libido is one of the strongest imperatives that humans have – we literally would not exist without it! – and a repressed libido tends to explode out eventually.

Most people with fetishes learn to indulge them in any way they can, usually with a consensual partner, and they can even come to terms with their desires in time. However, sometimes these desires can turn dark, and even deadly – but such sexual deviance is fortunately very rare.

So if you are worried and ashamed by your ‘weird’ sexual fantasy, don’t be. As long as it doesn’t involve hurting anyone else, you are probably fairly normal and are almost assured, especially in these days of sexual exploration and wide-ranging communication (thank you internet!), of finding someone who shares your tastes!