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Anal Sex: For first timers

by Beth Divine 8 Dec 2018

Anal sex is becoming more and more popular, and many sexual novices are keen to try it out. It can be very awkward to express such an interest to a partner, especially when you have not known each other for very long. It is really quite ridiculous how readily people will strip off their clothes for a relative stranger and yet balk at expressing their likes, dislikes and preferences – any form of honest communication can sometimes feel like an intimacy too far. However, for relatively new lovers who have established that they would like to try anal sex, here are some things to think about:

Trust: Any new sexual act involves a great deal of trust – unless you really don’t care about the physical and mental well-being of your partner. Make sure that you have a conversation about the process before you try anal, with clear boundaries as to when the attempt should be stopped: sometimes anal can be very painful for the person being penetrated, and occasionally even for the penetrator – anuses are designed to be tight and squeezing an erect penis into one can hurt. A safe word, the mutual agreement that either party can call it off without recriminations or upset – agree the withdrawal process before you begin and both of you will be happier in the long run.

Lube: Anuses are not designed to be penetrated, so nature has not provided any form of lubricant as with vaginas. Use plenty of lube, preferably one that has been engineered for anal use. These tend to be thicker in consistency, adding layers of comfort and making it easier to penetrate the anus – for both parties!

Protection: With any new partner – and for any form of sexual activity – you should use protection of some kind, preferably a condom. Anal sex is no different, and it is important to note that condoms are not just for contraception, they are also vital in protecting you from sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Bearing in mind the natural purpose of an anus, it only makes sense to use some protection…

Timing: Take it slow. No matter how excited you are, the first time you have anal is going to be something different. It might be wildly exciting for one partner, but disconcerting and uncomfortable for the other. With this in mind, make sure you check with them at each stage, making sure they’re still interested in proceeding and that everything is okay.

After: Take time to cuddle afterwards. Bear in mind that you may both feel a little ‘dirty’ and ashamed, so by all means clean up – perhaps showering or bathing together. Maintaining the intimacy will make it easier to let the other know if you liked it or not.

Finally, don’t be disheartened if it didn’t seem quite as much fun as you’d hoped. It is quite possible that the first time is all about working out the logistics and making sure that it all works – which can kill the romance. Trying it again a few days or so later can be a much more pleasurable experience.