No matter whether you are male or female, when giving oral to
your partner (likewise, of either gender) always start slowly and be gentle.
Try not to go straight for the action section as this can make your partner
feel that a) you are only interested in their genitals, and want to hurry up
and make them come, or that b) you are not really into administering oral and
want to get it over with as soon as possible, like starting with your least
favourite vegetable to get it done with before you enjoy the rest of your meal!
When dealing with private parts, try to be gentle, yes, but still be firm – touching too lightly can tickle which can cause untoward reactions in some people. While most people wriggle and flinch away from a tickle, some people can actually lash out, kicking or punching and doing without even realising it. You don’t want to have to explain away an unexpected black eye or other bruise incurred because you accidentally triggered someone’s reflexes!
When giving fellatio, hold the shaft firmly and get your hands and fingers working while your mouth and tongue do their thing – this can be a mind-blowingly good sensation, making the man feel as though his whole package is being pleasurably stimulated.
For cunnilingus, always be conscious that the clitoris is extremely sensitive at all times. You may feel it withdrawing under your ministrations, but do not take this as a sign that you are doing anything wrong: it is part of the build-up to orgasm that the sensitive organ withdraws into the clitoral hood in the last few moments of stimulation while orgasm builds. Reacting to this withdrawal by pressing deeper, sucking or nibbling harder, or by forcing finger or toys into the vagina can actually derail the orgasm, just before the point of no return. Instead, of increasing your pressure or actions, work on maintaining them and give it a good five minutes – at this point orgasm is probably two or three minutes away at most!
With both genders, mix it up occasionally, changing the direction of your movements, or slowing things down a little to give you both a ‘breather’ before returning to full intensity of intention. Also, with both genders, pay attention to your partner’s body language and make sure you’re not mistaking pain or reluctance with him or her being transported with delight! Any winces, their hand trying to move you from a certain area, or any hint of them closing their legs can be taken as a hint to, at the very least, slow down a bit, or pause for a second to check they’re okay.
Once you’ve identified their likes and possibly dislikes, and have been working on the foreplay for sometime – actual long minutes are needed, in the case of the average woman twenty minutes’ foreplay is needed before they are ready to orgasm (and that’s average woman, so some women will require much longer!) – you can start guiding them towards orgasm by increasing the pressure and the speed of your actions. You will be able to tell when they are orgasming, and can take a moment to guide them through it, content in the knowledge that you have done a very good thing for them!
And if you’re lucky, it’ll be your turn next!