If you are twenty-five or so or older, you have most likely
been in a long-term relationship. Now there is a pattern that most
relationships follow: those first heady days when you catch each other’s eye
and get to know each other – the first date, first kiss, first sexual
encounters. You date for a certain length of time, then realise that you spend
all your time together anyway, so you might as well move in together. Living
together is great! It is nice to have someone there with you all the time, for
company and cuddles, sharing the chores, the meals and the bills equally – what
could be better.
And then. A little while into this scenario – anything from a year to several years – little faults and flaws start to grate. Snoring causes rifts in the middle of the night; ‘forgetfulness’ about doing chores or picking up the shopping, annoying habits like slurping, cutting their toenails in bed or throwing their dirty clothes on the floor rather than in the hamper.
It is at this point that arguments might start up and how these are handled will set the tone for the future of the relationship: will you compromise and find a way through your issues, or will the relationship shatter under the strain of brittle anger and growing distaste for each other.
If you are going to break up, this will happen and there is little that can be done about it – unless you both still see enough value in the relationship to work on saving it. This is where making a serious effort to recapture the romance can stand you in good stead. Go on dates where you dress up for each other, leave the phones in your pocket or handbag and really pay attention to each other’s comments and anecdotes. Remembering to celebrate the best of each other is what will give your relationship its sparkle back – and along with that comes sex.
Pleasing each other in bed is key when it comes to healing and refreshing a relationship. At its most basic and primitive: we have partners, yes, for friendship and companionship, but primarily it is all about desire and lust: sex, in short. Get the sex right, be loving towards each other and your relationship will thrive.