The rules of dating and relationships seem to be changing
with every day that passes. How can a person keep up to date when what is
accepted and not accepted is different each week? Well, in truth, it is not
In previous decades, there was an assumption that women did not feel sexual desire, and therefore they needed to be chivied into putting out. Magazines, medical professionals and even older family members used this erroneous belief to tell young men to be forceful with women, and to tell young women that if they did not enjoy sex, oh well, just lie back and take it for the good of the relationship, that was just how women were built. Which would, of course, be a hetero-marriage and not any other form of human sexual interaction because that would be bad!
Today, it is well known that women do feel sexual desire, that women deserve to have good, non-painful and orgasmic sex, and, most importantly, that the issue of consent is key: if a woman says no, then that must be respected and the woman left alone. Not pestered, not nagged, not persuaded, not called frigid or any of the other unpleasant names that can be bandied about at such times: respected and left alone until such time as she changes her mind by herself.
Many relationships these days start on dating apps or social media, and the best way to be sure of an appreciative reception is to be very honest. Yes, you might have a bit of a belly, yes, your arms and legs might be like stalks. You may not be buff, or film-star handsome, or what you see as being desirable: but that doesn’t matter, it is what you are. And any potential partner will value honesty, kindness and a good sense of humour over looks and muscle and so on.
So post a genuine, up to date photograph of yourself (she will notice if the good-looking young stud in the photo is ten years older!) and be honest about your foibles and failings. But do not do this in a pity party sort of way, present challenges in a hopeful and optimistic light – and present successes in a modest and self-deprecating manner!Follow this advice and while you might get a few ‘noes’ the yeses will be forthcoming – and they will be more likely to form the basis of a lasting friendship and possibly even a permanent relationship.