Having sex is a basic human need. For both men and women,
although society – for reasons best known to its patriarchal self – has done
its very best for decades (centuries, even) to persuade women that their sexual
desires and needs are signs of perversion or simply don’t exist. Fortunately,
this belief is slowly falling away, and it is now generally well understood
that men and women both have sexual needs that should be met on a regular basis
in order for good mental and physical well-being. Women, if you aren’t sure how
to express your needs to your sexual partner, and thus aren’t getting the most
out of your encounters, read on to pick up some hints and tips to make sure you
enjoy yourself at least as much as your partner!
Relaxation: It can be hard to relax and devote all your attention to achieving orgasm – or even just good sex, good sex doesn’t always end in a climax for a woman, so do not feel that your steamy session has been a failure if you do not come, as long as you have had a good time. What is crucial for good sex, and achieving orgasm, is relaxation. This is easier if you know your partner and trust them, and if you are confident in what you like and do not like, and know how to express your preferences to your partner. If you have any doubts about your partner, about acts they might want to try, or toys that they want to use, rather back out of sex altogether than put yourself through an awkward and uncomfortable experience. An understanding partner will be prepared to wait, and forcing yourself to ‘just get it over with’ or tolerate something that you don’t particularly enjoy can actually have a knock-on impact with your future sexual encounters by causing bad memories and triggering ongoing issues that can take a long time to resolve.
Know your fetishes. If your partner loves feet and toes, but they make you gag, you’re never going to be happy letting him or her indulge their love of schmoozing up to your tootsies! Have an open and honest discussion with your partner before getting into something that you might want to then get out of in a hurry! There is a reason that safe words are sometimes necessary, so do not be shy about insisting on a discussion beforehand if you feel if might be necessary.
Ask for non-sexual contact when you want it – hugs and cuddles are wonderful for women, they make them feel secure and loved – and more likely to want sex sooner! However, make sure that a snuggle session doesn’t turn into a sex session every single time as this will make these sensual but not sexual moments just part of foreplay – and that can defeat the whole point.
While a lot of women think that having good or bad sex is down to the active partner – usually the male in a hetero relationship, in fact, good sex is a mutual activity. It takes two to ensure that both of you have a good time, so talk about it beforehand, participate fully once you have decided to go ahead, relax and enjoy yourself – and make sure your partner has a good time too!